Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
