It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
