If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
