just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
