well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
