i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
