I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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