idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
