Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
