I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
