Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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