my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
