She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
