She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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