This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
