News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
