then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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