i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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