just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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