there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
