what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
