I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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