Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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