Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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