Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
