I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Text me some of your sweat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
