have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
