ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
