i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
