Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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