And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
