D3 body, D1 cock
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
