Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i will never coherently bang her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
