The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Welp...herpes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
