I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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