you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
