Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
