I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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