In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
