Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
