maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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