You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
