I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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