I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
