I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
