Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
