Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
