Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
