Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
