There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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