I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
