If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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