how can u be prego again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
