She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
