dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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