dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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