U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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