theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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